IHM (I Hate Myself)

 Are these three words that come easily to mind for you?

What in the world would make a person say this to themselves?

IHM (I Hate Myself) is a condition of depression. It is different from "I could kick myself", this being an expression of a more candid nature and merely a reaction to hindsight.

IHM is not a reaction, it is a preaction, it is a mind set that anchors itself to your psyche and leads every thought you have in every situation you face. You may not even realise you are doing it and you may not actually feel depressed but then neither does a drunk but they too are damaging themselves beyond repair by continuing to drink just as you are damaging yourself beyond repair by continuing to Hate Yourself.

There may be some very justifiable reasons for you to believe that you hate yourself. You may have at one point in your life assumed this emotional state as you (wrongly) blamed yourself for "allowing" an abuser to molest you or worse...

It may be that you have continued to find yourself in positions in your life where you feel that you have let people down because of your weak behaviour and through this you feel entirely responsible for creating their stress and anger and therefore hate yourself for upsetting them so much.

Do I really need to point out that other people's feelings are their own responsibility and not yours?

You are responsible for you and you alone (except if you are a parent in which case you are responsible for your child too) but you are not responsible for any other adult in any way shape or form. Their feelings are their's and they are blaming you for hurting them.. well boo hoo... have they stopped for a single second and thought about how much they are hurting you?

Be honest, have you actually done <i>anything</i> that warrants them making you feel so low and unworthy?

If you feel that you suffer from IHM then YOU ARE A VICTIM!!! Not an accuser or an abuser.

The person or people who are mainly making you feel like this are not to blame either, you are, because you have not learned how to stand up to them or stand up for yourself by taking pride in yourself and being honest enough with yourself to accept that you are a prescious gift and not a punching bag!

IHM can be cured, just the same as alcoholism can be but it starts with acknowledging that you suffer from it. Stop living in denial, it won't get better unless you change it. You can only change that which you acknowledge and as soon as you take a good honest look at yourself and realise that you do in fact suffer from IHM then the sonner you can start putting that thought away and learning how to take more pride in who you are.

Just like an alcoholic, there is nothing easy about this process. You are fighting against what feels like your instincts (this infact is not instinctive behaviour, it is the behaviour you learned in order to protect yourself from abuse, it is how you learned to cope... so long as you blame yourself, your abuser will not go too far and you will be safe... blaming yourself calms them down... RIGHT?)

Blaming yourself only perpetuates their abusive behaviour. Yes, standing up to people may invoke their rage or other bad behaviour but they cannot continue to do this the more you stand up or if you can take yourself away from the abuse.

I know that trying to repair IHM sounds difficult and will be met with resistance from those people around you who are used to you being a victim but it can be done and for the sake of your quality of life, IT MUST BE DONE.

Think about this, be honest, then act and if you don't know how then ask. There are people here at Angels who can help you and there are counsellors in your area who we can put you in touch with. Help is out there, remember there is no medication in the world that can cure IHM, it is a condition of the mind that only you can cure by recognition of the condition and by actively bringing small but breakthrough changes into your life.

I am available if you need to ask about this, just ask.